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FREDDIE'S FUNNIES
What's a fox's a favorite dance move?
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The foxtrot!
The average fox can jump higher than a tree. Partly because of their powerful hind legs, and partly because trees can't jump.
A fox, a groundhog, and a weasel walk into a restaurant. The waitress comes over and asks, "What will it be?" "Water," says the fox. "Coffee," squeaked the groundhog. "Pop!" goes the weasel!
A guy walked into a library and asked for a book on turtles. The librarian asked, "Hardback?" The guy replied, "No, softshell".
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast!
A turtle walked into a restaurant, but the owner grabbed it and threw it out. It came back 5 months later and yelled, "Get your hands off of me!"
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Why is turtle wax so expensive?
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Because they have such little ears!
Why couldn't the turtle use GPS?
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It kept giving him his home address!
What kind of turtles like to take pictures?
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Snapping Turtle!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?
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We don't know, he hasn't made it, yet!
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Why did the crow land on a telephone pole?
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He wanted to make a long-distance caw!
What do crows say in Texas?
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"Yee Caw!"
What is a crow's favorite animal?
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A moo caw!
What do you call a little crow that waves?
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A microwave!
A blue heron by the bay,
Watched the fish swim all day.
"Be still," he whispered, "wait, don't flinch,
Dinner's served! Just one more inch!"
What's a heron's favorite kind of music?
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The blues!
What tattoo did the Blue Heron get?
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No Egrets
Why did the Heron stand on one leg?
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Because if he lifted the other one he'd fall in!
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Why did the catfish cross the river?
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To get to the other tide!
Why did the catfish swim to the other side of the river?
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He wanted to change the channel!
Why did the crawfish refuse to share it's snacks?
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Because it was a little "shellfish"!
Why didn't the crawfish want to dig in the sand.
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He was the scared he'd pull a muscle.
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What's a catfish's favorite subject in school?
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Current Events!
Why did the muscle go to the professor?
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For pearls of wisdom!
Why couldn't the bird walk a straight line?
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He was a warbler!
Why is the river so powerful?
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It has a lot of mussels!
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I now know why Groundhog's Day is important!
It's an Emerge-and-see!
What animal takes up the most land?
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A groundhog!
Why do racoons make good detectives?
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They're great at digging up dirt!
How do racoon's communicate in the wild?
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Trash talk!
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What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?
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Gopher Gold!
What do you call a wet baby owl?
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A moist owlet!
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What do you get when you cross a night owl with an early bird?
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No sleep!
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