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FREDDIE'S FUNNIES
What's a fox's a favorite dance move?
The foxtrot!
The average fox can jump higher than a tree. Partly because of their powerful hind legs, and partly because trees can't jump.
A fox, a groundhog, and a weasel walk into a restaurant. The waitress comes over and asks, "What will it be?" "Water," says the fox. "Coffee," squeaked the groundhog. "Pop!" goes the weasel!
A guy walked into a library and asked for a book on turtles. The librarian asked, "Hardback?" The guy replied, "No, softshell".
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast!
A turtle walked into a restaurant, but the owner grabbed it and threw it out. It came back 5 months later and yelled, "Get your hands off of me!"
Why is turtle wax so expensive?
Because they have such little ears!
Why couldn't the turtle use GPS?
It kept giving him his home address!
What kind of turtles like to take pictures?
Snapping Turtle!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
We don't know, he hasn't made it, yet!
Why did the crow land on a telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long-distance caw!
What do crows say in Texas?
"Yee Caw!"
What is a crow's favorite animal?
A moo caw!
What do you call a little crow that waves?
A microwave!
A blue heron by the bay,
Watched the fish swim all day.
"Be still," he whispered, "wait, don't flinch,
Dinner's served! Just one more inch!"
What's a heron's favorite kind of music?
The blues!
What tattoo did the Blue Heron get?
No Egrets
Why did the Heron stand on one leg?
Because if he lifted the other one he'd fall in!
Why did the catfish cross the river?
To get to the other tide!
Why did the catfish swim to the other side of the river?
He wanted to change the channel!
What's a catfish's favorite subject in school?
Current Events!
Why couldn't the bird walk a straight line?
He was a warbler!
Why did the crawfish refuse to share it's snacks?
Because it was a little "shellfish"!
Why didn't the crawfish want to dig in the sand.
He was the scared he'd pull a muscle.
Why did the muscle go to the professor?
For pearls of wisdom!
Why is the river so powerful?
It has a lot of mussels!
I now know why Groundhog's Day is important!
It's an Emerge-and-see!
What animal takes up the most land?
A groundhog!
What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?
Gopher Gold!
What do you get when you cross a night owl with an early bird?
No sleep!
Why do racoons make good detectives?
They're great at digging up dirt!
How do racoon's communicate in the wild?
Trash talk!
What do you call a wet baby owl?
A moist owlet!